In My Weakness, He Is Strong

Good Saturday Morning, Friends!

Well, it's a quiet Saturday morning and I'm grateful for a little down time. It's been two weeks since my last blog, and those two weeks were very demanding, schedule-wise. Our prayer room and classroom schedule is at full throttle, and at times we needed to run, both physically and spiritually, just to keep up!

On Tuesday, July 17, after morning prayer room time, we heard from Peter Loth, a Holocaust survivor. Peter spoke on forgiveness, and many wept openly throughout his sharing. Peter was born in Stutthoff death camp, but growing up did not know anything about that early part of his life. When he turned 55 years old he was reunited with his half-sisters who told him of his very early years. He thought his birth mother had abandoned him, when in actuality he was handed off  by her to a Polish woman when Stutthoff was liberated by the allies. Peter's mother knew she was too weak to carry baby Peter and escape at the same time. His Polish 'matka' raised him until he was 15 years old, when he was reunited with his birth mother.

Peter is a German Jew, and a lover of Jesus. The atrocities he suffered throughout his early years are really hard to comprehend. Yet because of His relationship with Yeshua, he is called by Him to minister all over the world on the subject of forgiveness. Powerful, powerful testimony.

A few days after arriving in KC, I began to experience symptoms of what I thought was a summer cold but actually was, for me, a pretty significant allergy attack. As the days, and then the weeks, went by the symptoms continued to worsen, disrupting my sleep and causing me to leave the prayer room or a class more than once because of an uncontrolled coughing episode.

Amazingly, after going it 'alone' for almost two weeks, Holy Spirit poured mercy on me and showed me that I suffered mostly because of stubbornness, the sin of pride telling me I could get well myself without asking for prayer. My heart was open because of my physical weakness, and Holy Spirit did not allow me to struggle for too long before revealing to me my foolishness. On Wednesday, July 18, when I realized it was stubbornness and the sin of pride that was keeping me from my healing, I was broken with shame. I went to the healing room and received prayer and a temporary relief from my symptoms. Thursday the symptoms came back with a vengeance, but I knew that now the stubbornness in this area of my life had been laid down, and I was able to ask for prayer. It continued into Friday, when I was prayed for by two young interns, teenage girls who could have been my granddaughters, but who prayed with such faith for my healing!

I would like to be able to say that my symptoms immediately disappeared, but that was not the case. Several CVS pharmacies in the area have walk-in clinics right in the store called Minute Clinics.  I ended up at a CVS walk-in clinic late last Saturday morning, and was treated by a very  compassionate nurse practitioner who diagnosed a sinus infection and allergies. I came home with an armful of medications, and after being on the meds for several days, I began to get relief.  As of this morning my symptoms are almost completely gone.

Why was I not get healed instantly?  I don't know. I don't understand that side of healing yet, why some are healed and others are not. But I know God loves me with an everlasting Love. I don't know why I wasn't healed on the spot, but does it cause me to doubt my Creator, Abba Father? No. The Word tells me that those who put their trust in God will never be put to shame. Amen!

My stubbornness in refusing to be prayed for when I was experiencing the allergy attack was a symptom of a deep wound that I've carried all my life.  "I'll do it myself" has been my motto for many, many years, even if subconsciously. It is the result of having to pretty much fend for myself in my younger years, of having been a single mom for 20+ years - the decision maker, the bottom line person, so to speak, and of being let down by people I trusted and loved who made promises to me but never followed through. With Jesus, it came down to one simple question, one longing of my heart: Could I truly trust HIM with ME?


At this week's Wednesday life group we were ministered to by Pablo Perez. Pablo is the director of the IHOPU Forerunner Music Academy, the music school here at IHOPKC. This year he has 300 students enrolled from all over the world.

Pablo ministered to us and to the Lord in music, teaching, and prophecy. It was such an intimate, one-on-one time with the Lord that the walls of my heart literally crumbled and I KNEW, for the first time ever in my spirit, the great love Jesus has for me, Kathy Sullivan, and how He longs for me with a deep longing that won't be satisfied until I give myself completely to Him. Paul tells me in Ephesians that God chose me before the foundations of the world, and that I would be holy and without blame before Him in Love. Wow! That scripture bypassed my woundedness and became Truth for me and is now etched on my heart. I know now that I know, that I know, that I know, that I CAN trust Him with me! Amazing!

The first, great commandment is to love the Lord our God with ALL of our heart, ALL of our soul, ALL of our mind, and ALL of our strength. He takes our weak hearts, our self-centeredness, our tunnel vision that sees only my wants, my needs, my life, and draws us to Himself until all that we are, and all that we have, and all our desires, and our past and our present and our future, are willingly laid at His feet. And He then gives us HIS Life, which is far superior to anything that we can hope for or imagine for ourselves.

For me, personally, striving to accomplish this in my own strength did not make it happen.  It was only through Holy Spirit that I was able to see and experience God's deep love and longing for ME! He has promised to give me the desire of my heart, and Jesus knew that an intimate love for Him was a deep longing in me. And this is His promise to ALL whose heart-longing is to KNOW Him, for Jesus truly is the Faithful One even when we are not.  Jesus is the One whose Love for us is patient, and kind, and long-suffering, and all the attributes of love, because He IS Love.  In my weakness, His promise is that I am made strong in Him. Amen!!!

Thursday through Saturday this week IHOPKC is holding a conference for high school-age kids called Fascinate. These kids are from all over the country and have an amazing devotion to Jesus. Throughout the conference, time and again they've been asked to commit to making the hard choice: freedom in the world or freedom in Christ. What has struck me so far is that these kids know the seriousness of what they are committing to, and some actually choose not to go forward at the altar call. Now that, to me, is maturity beyond their years. Lord, fill these little ones full to overflowing with Your Love, Your Mercy, and an abundance of Your Grace, Jesus.  Thank You that You have called them out of the darkness of this world and into the light of Your Love. Amen.

Be blessed today, in Him from Whom ALL blessings flow!

With Affection and His Love,

Kathy