Wow! It's been three weeks since my last blog! Time is flying by, with every day full of the Lord in worship, and prayer, and teaching, and fellowship with His saints. Awesome!
We've just begun the ninth week of our twelve-week internship. I remember back to early July when we started Simeon Company, and twelve weeks seemed like so much time. Now we are barreling towards the goal of completion of Track I on September 23rd. To put a slight twist on an old saying, 'Time flies when you're enjoying Jesus!'
During the past month I've been on an adventure, a roller coaster ride of indecision knowing I would soon be coming to the end of the Track I internship. When I first applied to IHOPKC over two years ago, the Simeon Company internship was for three months only. Since that time IHOPKC has added an additional three-month session called Simeon Company Track II. When I came to Kansas City in July Track II was not even on my radar. My plan at that time was to complete Track I and return home. My life back in New York had been arranged around that reality.
When we first came together, four of the twelve Simeons had come with the intent of going on immediately to Track II. Our friends from Australia, Alison and Michael, came with the idea of coming back next summer to do the second track. Of the remaining six, most were open to the idea but had not made a final decision, except for me. I had no plans to remain for Track II, and until two weeks ago wasn't even considering the possibility.
My list for not even considering staying was written in concrete, or so I thought. I had made no plans financially to stay, with the tuition being such that I knew I would have no way to pull it together; my apartment was sublet only through the end of October; my cats, who had been living outside since I left New York, as they refused to move into my daughter's house, could not be outside during the winter months; my job had given me a leave of absence through the end of October so I felt I needed to return as promised; I had sandals for shoes and capris and tee shirts for clothes, and those certainly would not be appropriate clothing to get me through the fall and winter in Kansas City!
(January 12 2013) But as Track I wound down, Holy Spirit began to impress on my heart that Track II was teaching and prayer time that I needed to pursue. Where the first three months revolved around prayers for justice, the second track is focused on works of justice: ministry to the poor, evangelism, healing and prophecy teaching,
Monday, January 16, 2017
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Narrow Road
or
What I Learned From God While Driving the Speed Limit
Matthew 7:13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Now before I start, I need to make a disclaimer. What I have to share is not an indictment of anyone here, it is only this one believer's teaching from Holy Spirit as the result of a question I asked and the challenge laid down by Him.
It began this past New Year's Eve, when I was reflecting on how many years previously I had made New Year's resolutions, only to give up on them after a few days or weeks. I had pretty much sworn off resolutions a long time ago. But I was thinking of the clean slate a new year presented, and I was thinking of Anna's House, and my passion for starting a house of prayer in our area. I was wondering if 2015 would be the year that the spark would be ignited in me again. So I brought it to Holy Spirit in the form of a (mostly) rhetorical question: "Holy Spirit, I don't do New Year's resolutions anymore, but is there anything that You want to work in me in 2015?"
Now I was really half asking, but He wasn't half answering, for sure! No sooner had I presented the question, then I heard in my spirit, "Yes, there are three things that I want you to work on in 2015: 1) allow people to get close to you; 2) stop trying to beat yellow lights; and 3) drive the speed limit." Ouch!
I couldn't argue with any of them, because for each one, it was an area that I had been ignoring Holy Spirit's gentle promptings to do something about.
Letting people get closer to me, revealing more of myself to others, is an area in which I struggle with constantly. Not in an overt way, but my fears and failures, deep-down dreams, these I keep to myself. Often-times I'll blurt out parts of my life to other who are practically strangers, which is really weird. But when faced with opening myself up to friends, or letting people bring their lives into mine, I pull up the welcome mat. That change is still in the development stage.
Concerning
#2: When my grandkids were little, my son-in-law had a phrase that he would say
while he was driving in the car with them. When the car would come to a traffic
light that was in the process of changing from green to yellow to red, he would
ask them "What does green mean?" and they would answer "Go
fast!" Then he would ask "What does yellow mean?" and they would
shout "Go faster!" It was cute, and always evoked peals of laughter
from those in the car. Now just so you don't think he was actually advocating
going 'faster', my son-in-law drives for a living, and he is one of the most
cautious drivers that I know. But the issue for me with yellow lights is one
that I have to assume many others have, because I see others do what I often
do, see a light turn yellow and press on the gas to get through before it turns
red. Why? What's the mindset behind it? Jesus told us that the first shall be
last, yet so many will run a red light so as not to be last, or allow others to
seem to have the advantage over us. I'm working on this one also, but I still
have not gained the upper hand on it.
Ahhhh, and now we get to #3: "Drive the speed limit." I know that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. But I have been convicted many times for not driving according to the traffic laws of New York State. And for me, the conviction came not so much in that I was breaking the law by driving 60 mph in a 45 mph zone, but that I didn't believe that the speed limit signs really meant what they said. After all, no one drove the speed limit, or so it seemed. And this is what I heard in my spirit, "Deep down, you want to believe the truths of God's word, but you don't always believe God means what He says either, as it applies to you and your relationship with Him."
I had no argument for that statement, because I knew it was true. Growing up, promises were made to me that were not kept. Because of it, I learned not to take people at their word. I thought for sure that I had grown past that mindset. After all, I'm in my mid-60's, and I've seen God work miracles in my own life, in the lives of those I care about, and in the world arena in and out of a church setting. I've had revelations of His love that blew my socks off, yet when the split second choice of sharing Him comes up, many times I struggle with presenting the truth of who He is to others.
Holy Spirit showed me that the speed limit lessons are in the context of being in leadership in a house of prayer, but also have a much broader application to my life in general. He's been showing me, through my experiences on the road, that in any leadership situation, both in and out of the church, there are all different kinds of people that a leader will encounter. Some people will want to run ahead of you, challenging the speed at which you are moving, some may not really believe the vision that is being presented, some will have your back no matter what, some will see the road ahead as open and clear and push you to do things that you may not want to do. Some may talk a good talk, but when given the opportunity step up, they hang back and leave you to do it. And these are just a few examples of leadership and life challenges that I have mentioned.
Take a ride with me now, down a familiar and well-known road that winds through our part of Dutchess County. Close your eyes and picture yourself behind the wheel of your car, driving west out Route 44 from Pleasant Valley into the City of Poughkeepsie, past Adams, past KMart, onto the arterial, and out to Route 9. The speed limit on that stretch of road, approximately 5 miles, is 40 mph. Yes, 40 mph along the whole stretch of road from PV to PK, and once on the arterial, the mph drops to 30. And yet traffic averages 50-60 mph morning, noon, and night. I know, because I drive it a minimum of 5 days a week on my way to and from my school job in Eastern Dutchess County.
So I began driving the speed limit on the very first day of 2015. It was hard, and it continues to be hard. But Holy Spirit has never left me to figure out the lessons of the narrow road alone. These are some of the observations I've made as I've gone through these last five months:
- The signs mean what they say. And I know that, because
God means what He says. The bible tells us let God be true and every man a
liar. It's not that anyone has come up to me to tell me that 45 mph means
45 mph, nor have I ever been pulled over and given an atta-girl for driving
the correct speed. In my estimation, almost 90% of those who travel the
roadways I drive on drive above the speed limit. I've only once or twice
seen a sheriff or trooper pull over a car going faster than what the signs
say, and it is an assumption on my part that the reason is for speeding,
since those vehicles could just as easily have been pulled over for a
reason outside of speeding. Driving the speed limit is definitely driving
the narrow road, even if it's a four lane highway.
- As a driver, it's hard to go against the tide of
popular belief that it's acceptable to drive above the speed
limit. Picture yourself driving 40 mph the whole stretch of Route 44.
Imagine that you're driving it at 6:30 in the morning, just as the
commuters are rushing to get their DD or McD's coffee and then get to work
on time. The road ahead is wide open, with no one in front of you, there
is a line of cars in back of you, and the car immediately behind you is on
your bumper trying to push you along. Amazing pressure to not do what the
signs say, for sure. 'But be not conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that
good and acceptable and perfect will of God.' Yielding to the popular
mindsets of this world, be it those on the road, or any other acceptable
mindset that does not conform to God's word, will cause us to travel the
'wide road' of worldly thinking, justifying that doing according to what
'everyone else' does makes it OK.
- What about tacit approval from those in authority to
break the law? Taconic Parkway and Anna May
- My self-image gets challenged daily. The stigma of
being that little old gray-haired lady, driving the speed limit while
looking over the top of her steering wheel ignoring the 10 cars lined up
behind her, is often overwhelming. Pride screams "That's not who I
am!", and the urge to defend my position by going faster than the
posted signs is strong. How often, in our daily comings and goings, might
we be wrongly accused, misunderstood for much more than doing what's right
by traveling the speed limit. Romans 8:31 & 33 What,
then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for
us, who can be against us 33 Who
will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God
who justifies.
- Within the first few weeks of my new driving adventure,
I was traveling to school along an open stretch of road. As I looked in my
review mirror, I saw a car about a quarter mile behind me that had several
more cars behind it. Since I was driving the speed limit, I kept checking
for the line of cars to come up quickly behind me. It took me a few
minutes to realize that the person leading the line of cars was also
driving the speed limit. Holy Spirit showed me that there would always be
someone who would be there to run interference for me, to cover my back so
to speak, and keep the pressures of others wanting to do life their way at
bay.
- There have been times when there has been a vehicle
right on my rear bumper as I'm driving along a stretch of road with a
double yellow line. More than once the other driver has passed me on those
double yellow lines, which always surprises and amazes me, since that is a
blatant breaking of the law. There are other times when, upon getting to a
stretch of road where passing is OK, that I think "OK now you can
pass me", but the driver on my bumper remains there, choosing not to
pass, but continuing to ride my bumper. There will be the people, Holy
Spirit showed me, that want to move forward faster than the situation or
circumstances allow, but do not want to accept the responsibility, yet
will continue to put pressure on the leader to do so. It's been at those times
that I've flipped up my rearview mirror, blocking out the driver behind
me, and just kept my eyes on the road ahead, ignoring the pressure of
doing what was wrong because of someone else’s noise. The narrow road can sometimes
feel like a really tight squeeze.
- At other times driving the speed limit while others are
pressuring me to go faster becomes too much, and I pull over and let
others go around me. I'm reminded then that leading by example doesn't
always necessarily work in the short term, and sometimes I just have to
let people do their own thing and trust God to deal with the consequences
of their actions. And gloating when I get a bit further up the road and
find that the offender has been pulled over by a trooper is not an option.
- One thing I discovered that surprised me was that once
I began to drive the speed limit, I began to be able tell when I was going
above it without even looking at the speedometer. And I also really enjoy
those times when I can legally go faster. The stretch of Route 44 from
Poughkeepsie to several miles east of Pleasant Valley has a posted speed
of 40, then 30, then 45 mph. Once east of PV, the speed moves up to 55
mph, and remains that way most of the remainder of my trip, except for one
short stretch just before I get to my destination. I am still amazed at
how exhilarating 55 miles per hour can feel! And it's guilt free! Correlate
this with being in the word of God, and prayer, on a regular basis. How
much easier is life when we are filled with His word and we have daily
relationship with Him through prayer! It’s easier to hear His gentle
promptings that tell us “This is the way, walk ye in it.”
- This past Saturday morning I was traveling north on
Route 9G to attend our high school's championship baseball game, which was
being played in Saugerties. As I drove beyond Tivoli, I ended up behind a
car that was following the posted speed limits. As many times, almost
daily, that I've felt the pressure of the drivers behind me while I drove
the speed limit, for some reason I felt that same pressure of annoyance
towards the driver in front of me. I was reminded then that the old man
can rear up at any time, but we are not to give place to him, since we are
new creatures in Christ, with the old having passed away and all things
become new. It turned my frustration into gratitude for the new creature
that I am.
- The most recent revelation as I've traveled this speed
limit journey, is the current one I'm learning about grace. Right from the
start I've been traveling the highways and byways under cruise control.
Now I've always used cruise control on long trips on the interstate
roadways, but I was not in the habit of using it while traveling the 40
mph roadways of Dutchess County. I found that using cruise control helps
keep me on track, even though I've gotten accustomed to what 40, 45, and
even 55 mph feels like while driving. But my cruise control is not that
exact, and most times as I use it going downhill it adds 5 mph to the
speed of my car. I would then feel guilty about exceeding the speed limit,
even by a few miles per hour, kind of like living under the law (if you
break one, you've pretty much broken them all). But then, only within the
last few weeks, Holy Spirit has begun to speak to me during these times
about God's free and perfect gift of grace. How awesome! It is for freedom
that we have been set free! But it also continues to be a deep lesson
about that freedom. There have been many a day when I was tired, tired of
my commute, tired of people riding my bumper, tired of speed limits and the
speed restraints of open roads I couldn't fly down. Walking in grace has
caused me at times to want to justify stopping doing what I knew was
right, and using grace as an excuse. But God is faithful, and when I go
into that mode, I always hear the Apostle Paul saying, from Rom. 6:1
, "What shall we say then, shall we continue to sin so that
grace may abound?" The narrow road is just that, narrow. Jesus was
not making it up when He gave us His admonition. The walk, or drive, is
not always easy, but the narrow road has benefits both now and in
eternity.
Father,
I’m reminded of a new born infant. In the hospital the baby is wrapped tightly
in a blanket, which brings comfort and assurance. I thank you for the narrow
road, for Your word that wraps around us and keeps us safe from harm. I thank
You for Your promise to never leave us or abandon us on the narrow road, and
the enduring promise of eternity in Your Presence. Amen
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Search Me O Lord, And Know My Every Thought.
Dear Friends: This is a blog I wrote early in July concerning my experience on the first Saturday after I arrived in Kansas City. Holy Spirit did an amazing operation on my heart that morning. Later in the day, when I went to our Simeon Company orientation, I received prayer that confirmed God's love for me, even in my brokenness.
And it is with great joy in my heart and deep appreciation to the God Who heals us, that I share with you that several weeks later God delivered me from my dependence on these medications, and He has made me whole in my body!
Before posting this, I first shared it with the group from home who have been interceding for months for these 'addicted and mentally ill ones'. Please join us in continued pray for these little ones held captive by addiction and mental illness.
In His Love,
Kathy
******************************************************************************************************************
Who would have thought that my journey into relationship with Jesus would begin at the place of addiction? Only God.
For years I've been on a medication regimen for a condition called fibromyalgia. Although initially diagnosed in 1990, I began to experience serious, debilitating flare-ups in the early years of the 2000's. The flare-ups became so bad that they led to my retirement in 2009 from a career in the utility industry where I had worked for 23 years. Although healing of fibromyalgia was spoken over me in 2006, and I had confessed that healing on numerous occasions, I was never fully free of the symptoms, including the lack of sleep which is a big trigger. Right around the time I retired I began with a new doctor who put me on a medication regimen that freed me from the symptoms. Over the years since then, though, it's always nagged at me that I've continued to confess I am healed, but I never wanted my medications to be far from my reach. A few times over the years I've actually weaned myself off of them, but I always went back while I've continued to ask God to deliver me.
It was when I arrived in Kansas City, medications in hand, that I realized neither of the meds I take for the fibromyalgia (fibro) had any refills left on them. When I called my primary doctor, much to my shock and dismay, she refused to refill them and directed me to my rheumatologist. Well, I had stopped going to the specialist for several reasons, and my primary doctor was my only link to getting these two meds refilled. I called her a second time a few days later and again she refused the refills. I began to panic.
One med, the one that helps me sleep, was completely empty. I tried replacing it with an over-the-counter natural alternative, but it didn't work. After spending several restless nights, when I awoke that Saturday morning in early July, I was overcome with fear of the fibro symptoms returning. I actually experienced a desperation for the two medications that were either empty or soon to be empty. The realization struck me that these were symptoms of addiction. But the even deeper fear was that now I was going to have to TRUST GOD to deliver me, there was no Plan B.
When I was young, my mother was addicted to pain medications, prescription drugs, and alcohol. As I sat in my bed that Saturday morning, weeping in fear at the predicament I saw myself in, Holy Spirit brought to mind my mother and her struggles during my growing up years. He showed me that I had lived in a place of judgment over her for many, many years. Mom eventually overcame the addictions to meds and alcohol, although how she did it I never knew. But at the end of her life she loved Jesus with all her heart. The years when we were kids were not easy for her nor for our family. Holy Spirit filled me with a compassion for my mother that, in all of my 63 years, I had never before known.
Holy Spirit also brought to my mind the many months seven of us from my church have been praying for release from addiction and mental illness for a number of acquaintances and loved ones. He showed me a religious spirit and cavalier attitude in my prayer for these addicted ones, a 'get over it and move on with your life' attitude beneath the surface of my pious prayers. I needed to repent and let compassion well up there, also.
In the way only God can do, after I repented of my self-righteousness, Holy Spirit spoke to my heart: "I AM the God that healeth thee, and every knee shall bow before Me, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, even the god of addiction." Amen, Lord, so be it.
And it is with great joy in my heart and deep appreciation to the God Who heals us, that I share with you that several weeks later God delivered me from my dependence on these medications, and He has made me whole in my body!
Before posting this, I first shared it with the group from home who have been interceding for months for these 'addicted and mentally ill ones'. Please join us in continued pray for these little ones held captive by addiction and mental illness.
In His Love,
Kathy
******************************************************************************************************************
Who would have thought that my journey into relationship with Jesus would begin at the place of addiction? Only God.
For years I've been on a medication regimen for a condition called fibromyalgia. Although initially diagnosed in 1990, I began to experience serious, debilitating flare-ups in the early years of the 2000's. The flare-ups became so bad that they led to my retirement in 2009 from a career in the utility industry where I had worked for 23 years. Although healing of fibromyalgia was spoken over me in 2006, and I had confessed that healing on numerous occasions, I was never fully free of the symptoms, including the lack of sleep which is a big trigger. Right around the time I retired I began with a new doctor who put me on a medication regimen that freed me from the symptoms. Over the years since then, though, it's always nagged at me that I've continued to confess I am healed, but I never wanted my medications to be far from my reach. A few times over the years I've actually weaned myself off of them, but I always went back while I've continued to ask God to deliver me.
It was when I arrived in Kansas City, medications in hand, that I realized neither of the meds I take for the fibromyalgia (fibro) had any refills left on them. When I called my primary doctor, much to my shock and dismay, she refused to refill them and directed me to my rheumatologist. Well, I had stopped going to the specialist for several reasons, and my primary doctor was my only link to getting these two meds refilled. I called her a second time a few days later and again she refused the refills. I began to panic.
One med, the one that helps me sleep, was completely empty. I tried replacing it with an over-the-counter natural alternative, but it didn't work. After spending several restless nights, when I awoke that Saturday morning in early July, I was overcome with fear of the fibro symptoms returning. I actually experienced a desperation for the two medications that were either empty or soon to be empty. The realization struck me that these were symptoms of addiction. But the even deeper fear was that now I was going to have to TRUST GOD to deliver me, there was no Plan B.
When I was young, my mother was addicted to pain medications, prescription drugs, and alcohol. As I sat in my bed that Saturday morning, weeping in fear at the predicament I saw myself in, Holy Spirit brought to mind my mother and her struggles during my growing up years. He showed me that I had lived in a place of judgment over her for many, many years. Mom eventually overcame the addictions to meds and alcohol, although how she did it I never knew. But at the end of her life she loved Jesus with all her heart. The years when we were kids were not easy for her nor for our family. Holy Spirit filled me with a compassion for my mother that, in all of my 63 years, I had never before known.
Holy Spirit also brought to my mind the many months seven of us from my church have been praying for release from addiction and mental illness for a number of acquaintances and loved ones. He showed me a religious spirit and cavalier attitude in my prayer for these addicted ones, a 'get over it and move on with your life' attitude beneath the surface of my pious prayers. I needed to repent and let compassion well up there, also.
In the way only God can do, after I repented of my self-righteousness, Holy Spirit spoke to my heart: "I AM the God that healeth thee, and every knee shall bow before Me, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, even the god of addiction." Amen, Lord, so be it.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I Have You Betrothed You To Me Forever
This past week, August 6-8, the monthly Global Bridegroom Fast (GBF) took place at IHOPKC. It's a three day fast held on the first Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of each month, with the main focus being breakthrough by the Spirit to a deeper revelation of Jesus as Bridegroom King. The whole missions base is encouraged to participate, and all classes cease for those three days and everyone, staff and students alike, spend their time in fasting and prayer.
There is definitely a grace for fasting here on the IHOPKC mission base. A lifestyle of worship, prayer and fasting unto Jesus, our Bridegroom King, is the foundation of everything that goes on here. Since arriving in KC I've begun to somewhat understand that truth, but I had yet to receive a Holy Spirit heart revelation.
My main motivator for coming to IHOPKC was to grow in deeper relationship with Jesus. I longed for heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. So as the three days began I wrote in my journal, 'Abba, may I ask? Please, Holy Spirit, help me understand the Bridegroom fast. Help me, Holy Spirit, to know the Bridegroom and to meet Him during this time of fasting.' And then I wrote 'Everything stops for the Bridegroom when He comes.'
On Monday of the fast I was in the prayer room for several hours, even though Monday is Simeon Saturday for us. I wanted to know the Bridegroom, and spent time looking up scriptures that pertained to Jesus as Bridegroom. There are several foundational scriptures referred to often at IHOPKC concerning Jesus as Bridegroom: one is from Matthew 9, where Jesus talks about the friends of the Bridegroom and fasting; another is in John 3 when John the Baptist refers to Jesus as the Bridegroom, with John being the friend of the Bridegroom.
On Tuesday of the GBF, the Holy Spirit led me to Hosea 2:19, 20:
Wednesday was the last day of the fast, and I continued to meditate and reflect on Hosea and the different ways in which the Bridegroom calls His Bride: in righteousness, justice, lovingkindness, mercy, and in faithfulness.
Spending time in the prayer room on Wednesday, I noticed a couple sitting in front of me, only two rows ahead of me. As I continued to read in Hosea, I found myself watching these two, caught up in how much they obviously cared for each other. I could tell by the way they leaned into one another with shoulders touching; how they looked at one another; just their overall body language. I couldn't see if they were wearing wedding rings, but it didn't matter because their love and affection for one another was plain to see.
At one point the woman got up and left the prayer room. When she returned a few minutes later, as she was stepping into the row to take her seat, she looked at the man with such affection that it overwhelmed me. After she sat down she draped her arm on his shoulder and he leaned over and kissed it.
It was at that moment that the Bridegroom began to speak to my heart as memories came flooding in. "Do you remember how it felt when you were at the place where they are now? Do you remember the feelings of love and affection you had for your husband when you were dating him, how special you felt, how loved? Well, those are the same feelings of love and affection I have for you!"
You see, I have a relationship with Jesus and I know I'm saved. Yet both here at IHOPKC and back home at Changepoint Church people talk about intimacy with Jesus, of feeling His love. Certainly not in a sexual way, but with a heart knowledge that they know that they know they are loved. I had come to Kansas City to search out the deeper things of the Spirit; to both know and feel the love of Jesus. That was the desire of my heart, and now the Bridegroom was revealing that very thing to me!
As the revelation of His Bridegroom love dropped into my spirit, I again read the two verses from Hosea that opened up this truth to me. The Bridegroom tells His beloved that she is betrothed to Him in, among other virtues, faithfulness. And I thought again of the verse in Ephesians that tells me I was chosen before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in Him in love.
The faithfulness promise is what sealed the truth of the revelation in my heart. Having been married and divorced twice, I had truly not known faithfulness, and so relating to the Bridegroom on a heart level was something I did not know nor could I do. Yet the revealed truth to me was that He chose me before the foundation of the world, and has been faithful to me ever since, in spite of me! While I was yet in sin, Christ died for me, His betrothed!
Thanks be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom King, that through His Holy Spirit He renews our minds and speaks these truths directly to our hearts!
"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you."
Jeremiah 31:3
There is definitely a grace for fasting here on the IHOPKC mission base. A lifestyle of worship, prayer and fasting unto Jesus, our Bridegroom King, is the foundation of everything that goes on here. Since arriving in KC I've begun to somewhat understand that truth, but I had yet to receive a Holy Spirit heart revelation.
My main motivator for coming to IHOPKC was to grow in deeper relationship with Jesus. I longed for heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. So as the three days began I wrote in my journal, 'Abba, may I ask? Please, Holy Spirit, help me understand the Bridegroom fast. Help me, Holy Spirit, to know the Bridegroom and to meet Him during this time of fasting.' And then I wrote 'Everything stops for the Bridegroom when He comes.'
On Monday of the fast I was in the prayer room for several hours, even though Monday is Simeon Saturday for us. I wanted to know the Bridegroom, and spent time looking up scriptures that pertained to Jesus as Bridegroom. There are several foundational scriptures referred to often at IHOPKC concerning Jesus as Bridegroom: one is from Matthew 9, where Jesus talks about the friends of the Bridegroom and fasting; another is in John 3 when John the Baptist refers to Jesus as the Bridegroom, with John being the friend of the Bridegroom.
On Tuesday of the GBF, the Holy Spirit led me to Hosea 2:19, 20:
- I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.
Wednesday was the last day of the fast, and I continued to meditate and reflect on Hosea and the different ways in which the Bridegroom calls His Bride: in righteousness, justice, lovingkindness, mercy, and in faithfulness.
Spending time in the prayer room on Wednesday, I noticed a couple sitting in front of me, only two rows ahead of me. As I continued to read in Hosea, I found myself watching these two, caught up in how much they obviously cared for each other. I could tell by the way they leaned into one another with shoulders touching; how they looked at one another; just their overall body language. I couldn't see if they were wearing wedding rings, but it didn't matter because their love and affection for one another was plain to see.
At one point the woman got up and left the prayer room. When she returned a few minutes later, as she was stepping into the row to take her seat, she looked at the man with such affection that it overwhelmed me. After she sat down she draped her arm on his shoulder and he leaned over and kissed it.
It was at that moment that the Bridegroom began to speak to my heart as memories came flooding in. "Do you remember how it felt when you were at the place where they are now? Do you remember the feelings of love and affection you had for your husband when you were dating him, how special you felt, how loved? Well, those are the same feelings of love and affection I have for you!"
You see, I have a relationship with Jesus and I know I'm saved. Yet both here at IHOPKC and back home at Changepoint Church people talk about intimacy with Jesus, of feeling His love. Certainly not in a sexual way, but with a heart knowledge that they know that they know they are loved. I had come to Kansas City to search out the deeper things of the Spirit; to both know and feel the love of Jesus. That was the desire of my heart, and now the Bridegroom was revealing that very thing to me!
As the revelation of His Bridegroom love dropped into my spirit, I again read the two verses from Hosea that opened up this truth to me. The Bridegroom tells His beloved that she is betrothed to Him in, among other virtues, faithfulness. And I thought again of the verse in Ephesians that tells me I was chosen before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in Him in love.
The faithfulness promise is what sealed the truth of the revelation in my heart. Having been married and divorced twice, I had truly not known faithfulness, and so relating to the Bridegroom on a heart level was something I did not know nor could I do. Yet the revealed truth to me was that He chose me before the foundation of the world, and has been faithful to me ever since, in spite of me! While I was yet in sin, Christ died for me, His betrothed!
Thanks be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom King, that through His Holy Spirit He renews our minds and speaks these truths directly to our hearts!
"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you."
Jeremiah 31:3
The Krabby Patty Factor - Thanks, Sponge Bob!
Dear Friends: I wrote this particular blog about a week after I arrived in Kansas City, in the beginning of July. I knew I was whining then, and so I was very reluctant to share it at the time. Yet when I read it now I see it as the beginning of the 'new thing' God is doing in my life. It's important in the 'now' to give a full perspective of the 'then'.
In His Love,
Kathy
*****************************************************************************************************************
OK, I'm crabby today. This allergy thing is dragging me down, but I know it's more than allergies, and I need to explore what's bothering me.
The thought that comes to mind is 'this isn't fun anymore'. Truthfully, though, it was never supposed to be a time of 'fun' for fun's sake alone. I knew that in my head, but experiencing the isolation I'm feeling right now is letting me know the 'fun', the excitement, the newness, has run out and it's been replaced with the daily grind of working towards the goal, the purpose for me being here in the first place.
Laying down 'me', laying down the person of Kathy Sullivan and who I perceive her to be, and picking up Jesus is the main goal, and the place I've come to now, my real starting point. I've caught a glimpse of the process just over the horizon, just out of clear view. I can actually feel what it will feel like to lay self down, to give up my own thoughts and ideas, my perceptions of life, and let Holy Spirit replace it with His Truth. I'm not there yet though, not even close. Instead, I'm whining and complaining about how hard it is, just not loud enough for most people to hear. But I hear it. Breaking up the fallow ground, I think that's what Jesus calls it in the Gospels. I know I'm using the word fallow incorrectly, but to me it means breaking up the rock-hard soil, and replacing it with soft loom that will easily and gratefully accept the planted seeds of new life.
I'm having a tantrum inside of me, a kicking, screaming, pouting, throwing things tantrum that says this is TOO HARD. It says 'You're asking too much of me'. Yet I know I won't quit, that I will plow through, because God has promised to give me the desire of my heart, even when I thought I knew what that desire was but really didn't. But He knows what that desire must be, and He is taking me on that journey, beginning now. Who would have thought that 'dying to self' had to come before 'raised to new life in Christ'?
I kind of imagine that the process is like birth pains. Even though I have three kids, they were all delivered by the zipper method. I've never gone through a full labor before delivery. Maybe if I had I would have something with which to compare this 'new birth'.
Be that as it may, I'm in it for the long haul. Please pray for me.
In His Love,
Kathy
*****************************************************************************************************************
OK, I'm crabby today. This allergy thing is dragging me down, but I know it's more than allergies, and I need to explore what's bothering me.
The thought that comes to mind is 'this isn't fun anymore'. Truthfully, though, it was never supposed to be a time of 'fun' for fun's sake alone. I knew that in my head, but experiencing the isolation I'm feeling right now is letting me know the 'fun', the excitement, the newness, has run out and it's been replaced with the daily grind of working towards the goal, the purpose for me being here in the first place.
Laying down 'me', laying down the person of Kathy Sullivan and who I perceive her to be, and picking up Jesus is the main goal, and the place I've come to now, my real starting point. I've caught a glimpse of the process just over the horizon, just out of clear view. I can actually feel what it will feel like to lay self down, to give up my own thoughts and ideas, my perceptions of life, and let Holy Spirit replace it with His Truth. I'm not there yet though, not even close. Instead, I'm whining and complaining about how hard it is, just not loud enough for most people to hear. But I hear it. Breaking up the fallow ground, I think that's what Jesus calls it in the Gospels. I know I'm using the word fallow incorrectly, but to me it means breaking up the rock-hard soil, and replacing it with soft loom that will easily and gratefully accept the planted seeds of new life.
I'm having a tantrum inside of me, a kicking, screaming, pouting, throwing things tantrum that says this is TOO HARD. It says 'You're asking too much of me'. Yet I know I won't quit, that I will plow through, because God has promised to give me the desire of my heart, even when I thought I knew what that desire was but really didn't. But He knows what that desire must be, and He is taking me on that journey, beginning now. Who would have thought that 'dying to self' had to come before 'raised to new life in Christ'?
I kind of imagine that the process is like birth pains. Even though I have three kids, they were all delivered by the zipper method. I've never gone through a full labor before delivery. Maybe if I had I would have something with which to compare this 'new birth'.
Be that as it may, I'm in it for the long haul. Please pray for me.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
In My Weakness, He Is Strong
Good Saturday Morning, Friends!
Well, it's a quiet Saturday morning and I'm grateful for a little down time. It's been two weeks since my last blog, and those two weeks were very demanding, schedule-wise. Our prayer room and classroom schedule is at full throttle, and at times we needed to run, both physically and spiritually, just to keep up!
On Tuesday, July 17, after morning prayer room time, we heard from Peter Loth, a Holocaust survivor. Peter spoke on forgiveness, and many wept openly throughout his sharing. Peter was born in Stutthoff death camp, but growing up did not know anything about that early part of his life. When he turned 55 years old he was reunited with his half-sisters who told him of his very early years. He thought his birth mother had abandoned him, when in actuality he was handed off by her to a Polish woman when Stutthoff was liberated by the allies. Peter's mother knew she was too weak to carry baby Peter and escape at the same time. His Polish 'matka' raised him until he was 15 years old, when he was reunited with his birth mother.
Peter is a German Jew, and a lover of Jesus. The atrocities he suffered throughout his early years are really hard to comprehend. Yet because of His relationship with Yeshua, he is called by Him to minister all over the world on the subject of forgiveness. Powerful, powerful testimony.
A few days after arriving in KC, I began to experience symptoms of what I thought was a summer cold but actually was, for me, a pretty significant allergy attack. As the days, and then the weeks, went by the symptoms continued to worsen, disrupting my sleep and causing me to leave the prayer room or a class more than once because of an uncontrolled coughing episode.
Amazingly, after going it 'alone' for almost two weeks, Holy Spirit poured mercy on me and showed me that I suffered mostly because of stubbornness, the sin of pride telling me I could get well myself without asking for prayer. My heart was open because of my physical weakness, and Holy Spirit did not allow me to struggle for too long before revealing to me my foolishness. On Wednesday, July 18, when I realized it was stubbornness and the sin of pride that was keeping me from my healing, I was broken with shame. I went to the healing room and received prayer and a temporary relief from my symptoms. Thursday the symptoms came back with a vengeance, but I knew that now the stubbornness in this area of my life had been laid down, and I was able to ask for prayer. It continued into Friday, when I was prayed for by two young interns, teenage girls who could have been my granddaughters, but who prayed with such faith for my healing!
I would like to be able to say that my symptoms immediately disappeared, but that was not the case. Several CVS pharmacies in the area have walk-in clinics right in the store called Minute Clinics. I ended up at a CVS walk-in clinic late last Saturday morning, and was treated by a very compassionate nurse practitioner who diagnosed a sinus infection and allergies. I came home with an armful of medications, and after being on the meds for several days, I began to get relief. As of this morning my symptoms are almost completely gone.
Why was I not get healed instantly? I don't know. I don't understand that side of healing yet, why some are healed and others are not. But I know God loves me with an everlasting Love. I don't know why I wasn't healed on the spot, but does it cause me to doubt my Creator, Abba Father? No. The Word tells me that those who put their trust in God will never be put to shame. Amen!
My stubbornness in refusing to be prayed for when I was experiencing the allergy attack was a symptom of a deep wound that I've carried all my life. "I'll do it myself" has been my motto for many, many years, even if subconsciously. It is the result of having to pretty much fend for myself in my younger years, of having been a single mom for 20+ years - the decision maker, the bottom line person, so to speak, and of being let down by people I trusted and loved who made promises to me but never followed through. With Jesus, it came down to one simple question, one longing of my heart: Could I truly trust HIM with ME?
At this week's Wednesday life group we were ministered to by Pablo Perez. Pablo is the director of the IHOPU Forerunner Music Academy, the music school here at IHOPKC. This year he has 300 students enrolled from all over the world.
Pablo ministered to us and to the Lord in music, teaching, and prophecy. It was such an intimate, one-on-one time with the Lord that the walls of my heart literally crumbled and I KNEW, for the first time ever in my spirit, the great love Jesus has for me, Kathy Sullivan, and how He longs for me with a deep longing that won't be satisfied until I give myself completely to Him. Paul tells me in Ephesians that God chose me before the foundations of the world, and that I would be holy and without blame before Him in Love. Wow! That scripture bypassed my woundedness and became Truth for me and is now etched on my heart. I know now that I know, that I know, that I know, that I CAN trust Him with me! Amazing!
The first, great commandment is to love the Lord our God with ALL of our heart, ALL of our soul, ALL of our mind, and ALL of our strength. He takes our weak hearts, our self-centeredness, our tunnel vision that sees only my wants, my needs, my life, and draws us to Himself until all that we are, and all that we have, and all our desires, and our past and our present and our future, are willingly laid at His feet. And He then gives us HIS Life, which is far superior to anything that we can hope for or imagine for ourselves.
For me, personally, striving to accomplish this in my own strength did not make it happen. It was only through Holy Spirit that I was able to see and experience God's deep love and longing for ME! He has promised to give me the desire of my heart, and Jesus knew that an intimate love for Him was a deep longing in me. And this is His promise to ALL whose heart-longing is to KNOW Him, for Jesus truly is the Faithful One even when we are not. Jesus is the One whose Love for us is patient, and kind, and long-suffering, and all the attributes of love, because He IS Love. In my weakness, His promise is that I am made strong in Him. Amen!!!
Thursday through Saturday this week IHOPKC is holding a conference for high school-age kids called Fascinate. These kids are from all over the country and have an amazing devotion to Jesus. Throughout the conference, time and again they've been asked to commit to making the hard choice: freedom in the world or freedom in Christ. What has struck me so far is that these kids know the seriousness of what they are committing to, and some actually choose not to go forward at the altar call. Now that, to me, is maturity beyond their years. Lord, fill these little ones full to overflowing with Your Love, Your Mercy, and an abundance of Your Grace, Jesus. Thank You that You have called them out of the darkness of this world and into the light of Your Love. Amen.
Be blessed today, in Him from Whom ALL blessings flow!
With Affection and His Love,
Kathy
Well, it's a quiet Saturday morning and I'm grateful for a little down time. It's been two weeks since my last blog, and those two weeks were very demanding, schedule-wise. Our prayer room and classroom schedule is at full throttle, and at times we needed to run, both physically and spiritually, just to keep up!
On Tuesday, July 17, after morning prayer room time, we heard from Peter Loth, a Holocaust survivor. Peter spoke on forgiveness, and many wept openly throughout his sharing. Peter was born in Stutthoff death camp, but growing up did not know anything about that early part of his life. When he turned 55 years old he was reunited with his half-sisters who told him of his very early years. He thought his birth mother had abandoned him, when in actuality he was handed off by her to a Polish woman when Stutthoff was liberated by the allies. Peter's mother knew she was too weak to carry baby Peter and escape at the same time. His Polish 'matka' raised him until he was 15 years old, when he was reunited with his birth mother.
Peter is a German Jew, and a lover of Jesus. The atrocities he suffered throughout his early years are really hard to comprehend. Yet because of His relationship with Yeshua, he is called by Him to minister all over the world on the subject of forgiveness. Powerful, powerful testimony.
A few days after arriving in KC, I began to experience symptoms of what I thought was a summer cold but actually was, for me, a pretty significant allergy attack. As the days, and then the weeks, went by the symptoms continued to worsen, disrupting my sleep and causing me to leave the prayer room or a class more than once because of an uncontrolled coughing episode.
Amazingly, after going it 'alone' for almost two weeks, Holy Spirit poured mercy on me and showed me that I suffered mostly because of stubbornness, the sin of pride telling me I could get well myself without asking for prayer. My heart was open because of my physical weakness, and Holy Spirit did not allow me to struggle for too long before revealing to me my foolishness. On Wednesday, July 18, when I realized it was stubbornness and the sin of pride that was keeping me from my healing, I was broken with shame. I went to the healing room and received prayer and a temporary relief from my symptoms. Thursday the symptoms came back with a vengeance, but I knew that now the stubbornness in this area of my life had been laid down, and I was able to ask for prayer. It continued into Friday, when I was prayed for by two young interns, teenage girls who could have been my granddaughters, but who prayed with such faith for my healing!
I would like to be able to say that my symptoms immediately disappeared, but that was not the case. Several CVS pharmacies in the area have walk-in clinics right in the store called Minute Clinics. I ended up at a CVS walk-in clinic late last Saturday morning, and was treated by a very compassionate nurse practitioner who diagnosed a sinus infection and allergies. I came home with an armful of medications, and after being on the meds for several days, I began to get relief. As of this morning my symptoms are almost completely gone.
Why was I not get healed instantly? I don't know. I don't understand that side of healing yet, why some are healed and others are not. But I know God loves me with an everlasting Love. I don't know why I wasn't healed on the spot, but does it cause me to doubt my Creator, Abba Father? No. The Word tells me that those who put their trust in God will never be put to shame. Amen!
My stubbornness in refusing to be prayed for when I was experiencing the allergy attack was a symptom of a deep wound that I've carried all my life. "I'll do it myself" has been my motto for many, many years, even if subconsciously. It is the result of having to pretty much fend for myself in my younger years, of having been a single mom for 20+ years - the decision maker, the bottom line person, so to speak, and of being let down by people I trusted and loved who made promises to me but never followed through. With Jesus, it came down to one simple question, one longing of my heart: Could I truly trust HIM with ME?
At this week's Wednesday life group we were ministered to by Pablo Perez. Pablo is the director of the IHOPU Forerunner Music Academy, the music school here at IHOPKC. This year he has 300 students enrolled from all over the world.
Pablo ministered to us and to the Lord in music, teaching, and prophecy. It was such an intimate, one-on-one time with the Lord that the walls of my heart literally crumbled and I KNEW, for the first time ever in my spirit, the great love Jesus has for me, Kathy Sullivan, and how He longs for me with a deep longing that won't be satisfied until I give myself completely to Him. Paul tells me in Ephesians that God chose me before the foundations of the world, and that I would be holy and without blame before Him in Love. Wow! That scripture bypassed my woundedness and became Truth for me and is now etched on my heart. I know now that I know, that I know, that I know, that I CAN trust Him with me! Amazing!
The first, great commandment is to love the Lord our God with ALL of our heart, ALL of our soul, ALL of our mind, and ALL of our strength. He takes our weak hearts, our self-centeredness, our tunnel vision that sees only my wants, my needs, my life, and draws us to Himself until all that we are, and all that we have, and all our desires, and our past and our present and our future, are willingly laid at His feet. And He then gives us HIS Life, which is far superior to anything that we can hope for or imagine for ourselves.
For me, personally, striving to accomplish this in my own strength did not make it happen. It was only through Holy Spirit that I was able to see and experience God's deep love and longing for ME! He has promised to give me the desire of my heart, and Jesus knew that an intimate love for Him was a deep longing in me. And this is His promise to ALL whose heart-longing is to KNOW Him, for Jesus truly is the Faithful One even when we are not. Jesus is the One whose Love for us is patient, and kind, and long-suffering, and all the attributes of love, because He IS Love. In my weakness, His promise is that I am made strong in Him. Amen!!!
Thursday through Saturday this week IHOPKC is holding a conference for high school-age kids called Fascinate. These kids are from all over the country and have an amazing devotion to Jesus. Throughout the conference, time and again they've been asked to commit to making the hard choice: freedom in the world or freedom in Christ. What has struck me so far is that these kids know the seriousness of what they are committing to, and some actually choose not to go forward at the altar call. Now that, to me, is maturity beyond their years. Lord, fill these little ones full to overflowing with Your Love, Your Mercy, and an abundance of Your Grace, Jesus. Thank You that You have called them out of the darkness of this world and into the light of Your Love. Amen.
Be blessed today, in Him from Whom ALL blessings flow!
With Affection and His Love,
Kathy
Monday, July 16, 2012
His 'Still, Small Voice'
Good 'Day Off' Monday!
Well, Week #1 is complete, and what a week it's been! Teaching, praying, learning, hearing, crying, giggling, bonding, repenting, relieving, GROWING IN HIM! Yay God!
Friday night was the first of the four weekend services at IHOP's Forerunner Christian Fellowship building (FCF), and the building was packed out with young people. Their energy and enthusiasm for Jesus is awesome to watch. Teenagers were praying for other teenagers to be healed, and God answered their prayers. One young lady who was prayed for near me asked for healing of scoliosis. She had an 80% straightening of her spine, and when she left the platform people were praying for 100%. Our God is so amazing!
Saturday the Simeons had the morning off, and then time in the prayer room from 1 PM to 5 PM. It was the first time I wore my earplugs, and what a huge difference they made in my being able to pray, read the Word, and listen to the Lord, while still being able to participate in the worship. All I can say is 'Earplugs: don't leave home without them!'
On Sunday mornings the Simeons are in service as ushers, either at the 8:30 or the 10:45 service. I've been assigned to the second service. Section 3 will be my section for the remaining 10 weeks of the internship. It's the section where moms can bring their babies and their babies' strollers. It was so much fun! There were probably six moms and babies, even a set of twins. All were quiet, there were no criers, and all so beautiful! The grandma in me definitely rose to the surface Sunday morning.
The speaker Sunday was Benjamin Nolot, the IHOPKC leader of Exodus Cry, a ministry that fights against human sex trafficking around the world. Benji gave a powerful teaching from Isaiah 1:17, 'rebuking the oppressor'. I've heard the term 'human trafficking' many times, but never looked beneath the surface to learn what it really means. It was a painful but inspiring message that broke down yet another barrier to my 'I can't get involved' mindset.
From 2 PM to 6 PM Sundays we are back in the prayer room. During the hours from 4 - 6, Simeons and Intro interns participate in what's called 'on the wall' from Isaiah 62:6&7 - 'I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night. You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent, and give Him no rest till He establishes and till He makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.'
During those two hours we sit at the front of the room and enter into the prayer and worship that is going on. Intercession speaks to specific needs around the world and in America, and on Sundays from 4 - 6 the needs of the 5 million orphans in Uganda are brought before God's throne of mercy and grace. Revival in America is also petitioned for, but the main prayer purpose is for the orphans in Uganda.
THOUGHTS FOR MONDAY: Of all the 'AhhHa' moments of the week, and there were many, the one that stands out most was my encounter with the Holy Spirit right after I arrived at the prayer room Sunday afternoon. As I got comfortable in my seat, I looked at the monitor where the words of the worship song being sung are displayed. Often there is a message beneath the lyrics of what else is going on in the prayer room, such as 'Healing Rooms are now open', or 'Intercession for Turkey is going on in Room 3'.
As I watched the monitor, the message 'All are welcomed to join in Room 2 in strategic intercession against human trafficking' scrolled across the bottom. Now remember, I had just left FCF and a powerful message on human sex trafficking. It just 'happened' that when I came into the prayer room I sat in the section right outside of Room 2. The doors to the side rooms are full glass, so I could look over and see people in deep prayer. I continued to watch the message scroll across the monitor, and to glance sideways at those in the room engaged in prayer. I was having a discussion with myself: 'You really should go in to pray with them.' when Holy Spirit began to whisper to me: "I want you to go in and join them." I'm ashamed to say that my reaction was not an immediate 'yes!'. In fact, it was just the opposite: 'No, no, no, no, no....me? Not me! I don't know anyone in there. I've only been here one week. I don't know anything about human trafficking. Please, don't ask me to do this." But He was persistent, yet so kind with His still, small voice: "I want you to go in and join them." It was such a clear command! And as I continued to negotiate, I began to realize the consequences I set for myself if I refused to respond with my 'yes' to such a prompting. I knew that at some time in the near future I would seek to hear His voice, and I knew in my heart that I wouldn't. The silence of His voice in my life was more overwhelming to me than the 'I can't' fear I was experiencing at that moment about joining the intercessors. And then, the final nudge from Holy Spirit, although it could have been my own thoughts, was 'You're an intercessor. That's what you're here for.' Yup God, You are SO right, that IS what I'm here for: to grow closer to You in every area of my life, but especially in obedience to Your 'still, small voice.'
There was a gentleman sitting right in front of me who got up and went into Room 2 during the time I was negotiating with Holy Spirit. My reaction was pretty swift. I thought 'Now!' so that I could slip into the room while the door was open and not draw attention to myself. Actually, the side rooms are about the size of large, walk-in closets. There was really no way to slip in unnoticed and sit in the back of the room, since there was no back of the room! And, surprise! Nothing was required of me. I wasn't compelled or expected to pray out loud, so I prayed in the Spirit and let those with the knowledge of the epidemic of human trafficking pray with their understanding. The focus Sunday was London and the Soho district, and the upcoming Olympics. Thank You, God, for Your loving kindness towards me, even in the foolishness of my fear.
So, what's up for me today, my day off? Well, I'm heading downtown, to a three-level shopping mall called Crown Center. I'm not going there to shop, but to get in some hard walking. We sit a good portion of the day, although my 'spirit of pacing' has returned, and I'm moving about in the prayer room and in the classrooms a lot more than I did the first few days I was here. It's time for me to flee my 'cave', which I've affectionately begun to call my bedroom, and get out into the sunshine.
Be blessed today in Him, from Whom ALL blessings flow!
With Affection and His Love,
Kathy
Well, Week #1 is complete, and what a week it's been! Teaching, praying, learning, hearing, crying, giggling, bonding, repenting, relieving, GROWING IN HIM! Yay God!
Friday night was the first of the four weekend services at IHOP's Forerunner Christian Fellowship building (FCF), and the building was packed out with young people. Their energy and enthusiasm for Jesus is awesome to watch. Teenagers were praying for other teenagers to be healed, and God answered their prayers. One young lady who was prayed for near me asked for healing of scoliosis. She had an 80% straightening of her spine, and when she left the platform people were praying for 100%. Our God is so amazing!
Saturday the Simeons had the morning off, and then time in the prayer room from 1 PM to 5 PM. It was the first time I wore my earplugs, and what a huge difference they made in my being able to pray, read the Word, and listen to the Lord, while still being able to participate in the worship. All I can say is 'Earplugs: don't leave home without them!'
On Sunday mornings the Simeons are in service as ushers, either at the 8:30 or the 10:45 service. I've been assigned to the second service. Section 3 will be my section for the remaining 10 weeks of the internship. It's the section where moms can bring their babies and their babies' strollers. It was so much fun! There were probably six moms and babies, even a set of twins. All were quiet, there were no criers, and all so beautiful! The grandma in me definitely rose to the surface Sunday morning.
The speaker Sunday was Benjamin Nolot, the IHOPKC leader of Exodus Cry, a ministry that fights against human sex trafficking around the world. Benji gave a powerful teaching from Isaiah 1:17, 'rebuking the oppressor'. I've heard the term 'human trafficking' many times, but never looked beneath the surface to learn what it really means. It was a painful but inspiring message that broke down yet another barrier to my 'I can't get involved' mindset.
From 2 PM to 6 PM Sundays we are back in the prayer room. During the hours from 4 - 6, Simeons and Intro interns participate in what's called 'on the wall' from Isaiah 62:6&7 - 'I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night. You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent, and give Him no rest till He establishes and till He makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.'
During those two hours we sit at the front of the room and enter into the prayer and worship that is going on. Intercession speaks to specific needs around the world and in America, and on Sundays from 4 - 6 the needs of the 5 million orphans in Uganda are brought before God's throne of mercy and grace. Revival in America is also petitioned for, but the main prayer purpose is for the orphans in Uganda.
THOUGHTS FOR MONDAY: Of all the 'AhhHa' moments of the week, and there were many, the one that stands out most was my encounter with the Holy Spirit right after I arrived at the prayer room Sunday afternoon. As I got comfortable in my seat, I looked at the monitor where the words of the worship song being sung are displayed. Often there is a message beneath the lyrics of what else is going on in the prayer room, such as 'Healing Rooms are now open', or 'Intercession for Turkey is going on in Room 3'.
As I watched the monitor, the message 'All are welcomed to join in Room 2 in strategic intercession against human trafficking' scrolled across the bottom. Now remember, I had just left FCF and a powerful message on human sex trafficking. It just 'happened' that when I came into the prayer room I sat in the section right outside of Room 2. The doors to the side rooms are full glass, so I could look over and see people in deep prayer. I continued to watch the message scroll across the monitor, and to glance sideways at those in the room engaged in prayer. I was having a discussion with myself: 'You really should go in to pray with them.' when Holy Spirit began to whisper to me: "I want you to go in and join them." I'm ashamed to say that my reaction was not an immediate 'yes!'. In fact, it was just the opposite: 'No, no, no, no, no....me? Not me! I don't know anyone in there. I've only been here one week. I don't know anything about human trafficking. Please, don't ask me to do this." But He was persistent, yet so kind with His still, small voice: "I want you to go in and join them." It was such a clear command! And as I continued to negotiate, I began to realize the consequences I set for myself if I refused to respond with my 'yes' to such a prompting. I knew that at some time in the near future I would seek to hear His voice, and I knew in my heart that I wouldn't. The silence of His voice in my life was more overwhelming to me than the 'I can't' fear I was experiencing at that moment about joining the intercessors. And then, the final nudge from Holy Spirit, although it could have been my own thoughts, was 'You're an intercessor. That's what you're here for.' Yup God, You are SO right, that IS what I'm here for: to grow closer to You in every area of my life, but especially in obedience to Your 'still, small voice.'
There was a gentleman sitting right in front of me who got up and went into Room 2 during the time I was negotiating with Holy Spirit. My reaction was pretty swift. I thought 'Now!' so that I could slip into the room while the door was open and not draw attention to myself. Actually, the side rooms are about the size of large, walk-in closets. There was really no way to slip in unnoticed and sit in the back of the room, since there was no back of the room! And, surprise! Nothing was required of me. I wasn't compelled or expected to pray out loud, so I prayed in the Spirit and let those with the knowledge of the epidemic of human trafficking pray with their understanding. The focus Sunday was London and the Soho district, and the upcoming Olympics. Thank You, God, for Your loving kindness towards me, even in the foolishness of my fear.
So, what's up for me today, my day off? Well, I'm heading downtown, to a three-level shopping mall called Crown Center. I'm not going there to shop, but to get in some hard walking. We sit a good portion of the day, although my 'spirit of pacing' has returned, and I'm moving about in the prayer room and in the classrooms a lot more than I did the first few days I was here. It's time for me to flee my 'cave', which I've affectionately begun to call my bedroom, and get out into the sunshine.
Be blessed today in Him, from Whom ALL blessings flow!
With Affection and His Love,
Kathy
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